Thursday, February 24, 2011


ok i know guys this is stupid n childish im sorry i just gotta let this out.n i dont know what the hell is wrong but i wanted to reply to what u posted DAYANGKU,but i couldnt n i dont know why.yeah,buta technology,i here's the reply,enjoy.

omg i cant believe u really posted this after i apologised again n again in that txt earlier.rupanya u took that time to reply coz u were writing this...?

look,this is not a battle ok?im sorry for wat ive done to u all those years ok?i rele wish it was different,i mean who likes having someone mad at them?

ok look,
1.u admitted there that u do act like i dont yes!n that makes me sad,thats all!do u have to treat me like that to get over me?i mean look around u,theres other ways.there are people who are exes,n now friends!an honest friendship means,persahabatan yg jujur,no ulterior motives.we had that,we were together even though it felt like were falling apart after a year n a half BECAUSE it was honest!because we wanted to be together because we wanted to try,no other motives,not for money,or stuff or watever,im freaking poor for god sake!thats wat i mean by an honest friendship an honest relationship... thats not my idea of happiness.i can swear in allah's name strike me dead now if i lie,i told u before,i want to be happy for u.i want to be there at ur wedding,i want to be able to see ur kids and let them call me uncle, n play with them n see them grow up!i told u that! and i have repeatedly say,u are somebody elses gf now n i dont want u back i just want to be friends,u dont have to be alone with me in a cinema watching movie what do u think i am?i never cheated on u not once,and im not gonna be the one taking somebody elses girl like that,coz i know i wont like it if it was me!i know aris is a good guy,ive heard people talk n im not gonna do that!remember when i called u,i wanted to ask bout elly,n u were at his house with his family,so i respected that n i said its ok ill call u some other time remember?n yes,i went away coz i wanted to,coz like u said earlier,u ignore me anyway,so i might as well just be gone dari duduk je kat situ like a pet yg xdihiraukan tuan dia kan??i was doing a u a favor,selama i hilang u xde nak pening2 kpala gaduh dgn i kan?n then suddenly 3 days ago YOU yg tegur i kat whatsapp?psal apa??ignore je la i?

3.ok we both made promises,we both didnt deliver.WE BROKE UP FOR GOD'S SAKE!but i was talking in THAT context!look at what i write there the stuff BEFORE that phrase!what u said then,n what u are now is different,hence the phrase 'talk is cheap'

4.u may not feel like im ur bestfriend but i do!!!i FUCKING do!!!out of everybody in my 24 years of wretched life,u were the only one ive felt closest to me!ok??puas hati??maybe u never understood me n i never to u,but to have someone that i can tell stuff was enough for me!i dont have many of that kind of people in my life that i talk to that i tell them what i feel ok??you,omar arif!thats it!not even elly ok!!yes i think u hate me,n i dont have a reason for that???u dont enjoy me being sad?? then LET ME GET ON WITH LIFE!LET ME BE!let me say watever i want!i deleted my twitter for gods sake sebab u tau x,sbab u xdapat terima the things i say n the feelings i feel!i tweet sedih2 i punya perasaan la xkan i nak sedih pun xbleh,then u tweet i ckp ur "sick of my feeling sorry for myself phases" la apa la.i post lyric lagu katy perry kat hazim "bursting with colours with someone new" then suddenly the next thing u posted was "ur tweets makes me laugh sarcastically,n aris im bursting with love for u".dont freaking tell me its coincedence coz THATS BULLSHIT TOO!n u dont call that enjoying urself to purposely hurt me n make me cry??oh yes,i do cry too dayang for the things u do to me,laugh ur heart out at that.i didnt leave u for ur own good,wat do u think i am?god?how should i know the future?all i know is i left u coz we are a failed relationship,we hurt each other,so i left!yes i know theres no us anymore,so what now?we cant be ok?we must hate each other treat each other like we never knew??dayang my WHOLE family knows u,u slept at my house,bangsar house,even until now diorg jumpa i n tanya u,wishing u well n kirim salam dkat u,n ajak u datang.last friday dayang,baru last friday my aunts n uncs tanya u n ajak u dtg for our next family gathering.we've gone thru a lot,n we cant just act like that never existed all these least i cant!ok?im not on n on about us!bila i ckp about US?theres never about US,all i was saying was how diapointed n how ad i was of what we have become!i just hope we can be friends,i wanna be able to b friends with aris even,i rele wanna try,i txt u that remember?after i met him kat hosp masa omar sakit?i rele wana try im willing to do anything to just be able to a part of ur happiness y cant u see?n yes iwant to get on with my life,LET ME get on with my life!let me be sad,let me grief let me be emo,let me write watever i want!!ITS A PROCESS!its a stage people go thru to let go,SO LET ME BE!i blocked u,n deleted my twitter,so that u would LET ME BE,N GET ON WITH MY LIFE!why are u even bothered with what i say???this is the only place on the internet that i cant figure out how to block u,but y did u come n read it???n y are u even bothered???i mean,look at ur blog,when was the last time u posted?!a long time ago!!!n suddenly u have this new post just to balas to mine siap highlight2 lagi,i mean WTH???knapa nak kena gaduh mcmni?

do u think about how crushed i feel when minutes ago u txt me that u want ur money n then i find that u wrote me this?i said yes id give u the money.each time u ask me for the money id say yes wait ill give the u think its fair,that we broke up,n i still have to be responsible to give YOU money?when my mom and dad just FUCKING DIVORCED FUCKING TWO DAYS AGO AND U KNOW THAT!WHEN MY WHOLE FAMILY OF 8 WAS BEING KICKED OUT OF THE HOUSE LAST MONTH COZ WE CANT PAY THE RENT N U KNOW THAT!WHEN IM BUSTING ALL MY LIMBS WORKING TO GIVE THEM FOOD WITH MY PAY!how cold can u be???!dayang look at urself,hear urself speak!we BROKE UP!ye i used ur money to buy the car,but u gave me that money coz u oh o love me so much at that time!i didnt force u!and when the car broke down,masa i accident,it costed a thousand utk repair i ada mintak u?walaupun u naik keta buruk tu g clas hantar u sana sini pindah bilik pindah rumah laundry jalan jalan!bukan u xpernah naik kereta tu!u pay 1k i pay 3k,we use the car together kot!n then rosak sume mana u penah kisah!n now u ask me for duit tu balik,fair ke?but i just said yes je sbab nak sukakan u tau x?!fair ke for someone yg kononya kena get over la apa la,tapi terpaksa bayar lagi org tu n tanggung lagi hidup ex dia,walaupun ex dia layan dia cam taik?fair xklau i mintak u bayar balik semua bil air bil api bil makanan u duduk rumah i rumah my family all those years?FAIR X???!i fucking hate that we have to fight about money out of all things tau x,but its just not fair!!buat i rasa the only reason y u still keep my number is to ask for ur money!i was rele surprised when u txt me td n all u said was u want ur money back as soon as possible,while u know what kind of shit im in at the moment!I OWE U NOTHING!

n whats with all that?i know what god gave me,i know im thankful for the family i have.n i AM working day n night,im certainly not blaming fate n waiting for gold to fall off from the sky.what u think im a college dropout i ni sampah masyarakat,xtau nak kerja xtau nak buat apa2?xpayahla pandang rendah i smpai camtu just coz i fail uitm,n nak judge i mcm i ni xde agama plak tetiba.

yes we can forget the past,but remember allah said,take care of the relationships that u have with people that u know,n ur relationship with allah will be taken care of.yes,forget the past,but the bad part of it dayang.thats how the future can be better.not by denying the past n act like it never happened and never existed,along with all the people u know along the way.please think about it ok?may god open ur heart.

so thats it...n im not gonna come back here and read ur reply coz then its just gonna be a never ending battle,just like our marvelous this is it.adios.

clarification of reconciliatory.i hope so.

first of all,i didnt write to portray how mean you are to me, or trying to make you look bad. this is MY blog, so i write what I feel and what I want. i write what im going through, MY current issues. i can have my own freedom here, my own rights. its my blog anyway. people even defy the ISA in blogs, why must i oblige to you?

and secondly and most importantly,im certainly NOT still not over you. please. i swear on my mother's name, i dont want you back, no matter what you say or what people say. because youre happy where you are now and youre somebody elses girlfriend. and because i left you for a reason. i just dont like what we are now. why the animosity? i stated there clearly, im sad i feel like i lost a dear best friend. i think its quite straight forward and easy to understand?

and thirdly, to that 'friend' of yours, think about it, being nice goes a loooong way. for a change, why dont you try to fix it, rather than making it worse? if youre going to just make something worse next time, and you have no idea how to fix it, i suggest you just leave it alone. :)

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Sitting in an empty room...

it really hurts when someone that meant the world to you some time ago,that shared years being together, maybe not happily ever after but it was an honest friendship at least, now acts like you dont even youre just a spec of dust.thats exactly how i feel.

i dont want her back, shes happy where she is right now.but i just wanted to be a part of her happiness. but i guess she didnt want me in the picture, so i went away. now i just feel like i've lost a dear best friend.and it makes me feel really sad.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011


almost a year ago,she wrote this...

"Soon you'll build new memories
then slowly you'd forget about me
then I would slowly be
a distant memory"

"Soon I'll just be
that someone you used to know
But Darling you will thank me
for letting you go
time is not for wasting
I hope you'll find your intended
But I'm sorry
that your intended isn't me"

"it's not an easy thing
to shake off our history
I know that's what you want from me
but they will always stay with me"

...but the memory burns in at the back of my mind when i think of is cheap.she had always been just words.