wailing thoughts of a muted scream...

i've just realised something quite recently. im not sure if it had always been that way, only that it never came to my conscious self; or it had just started for whatever reasons. (from the last word to this moment, i've spent almost 15 minutes in front of the laptop trying to think how i could put this into a logic literal explanation)

its like this actually:

im thinking to myself, more like talking to myself actually, like you do when you see a mister know-it-all talking yadda yadda yadda bout how he does everything so 'efficiently' and you'll go like "yeah right. jerk off, asshole. you bribed them!". you know, things that you really want to shout straight at somebody's face, but somehow you cant really say out loud, muted by our sanity and compassions, and perhaps of fear and hypocrisy too. but recently when i do that, i actually THOUGHT i was talking to myself, then suddenly there'll be somebody responding to my 'self expressions'. and i'll be like..."erk.wha-?oh,no no.nothing"...haih...just today, it had happened 2-3 times i cant really remember. oh, and thats one more thing. im starting to forget things more chronically these days. sleep talking is one thing, but wake talking???sometimes i don't remember saying certain things even in my wake! and sometimes when i wake up from sleep, i even forget how, where and when i slept the night before.

hmm......weird.