between blissful chaos and malicious serenity

im in penang ryte now.running away.away from all the chaotic tremors thats been causing my brains to shake like a spoiled 1980's hitachi blender, spinning it's pink slushy insides (brains ARE pink...kan..?well adam once told me bout it's real colour but i cant really seem to remember)and vibrating convulsively, all at d same time and it made me feel lyk i could puke my brains out trough my nose any time around.it's very depressing.sometyms i wish i cud sleep it off,u know lyk just sleep for more than 12 hours or so,hoping that the throbs would dissapear;only to find out later that it didnt.damn.so yeah,i ran way.the word 'run' seems to be implying how cowardly i am in facing these issues, and yeah,i cudve chosen any other words among the very limited vocab collection in my very limited memory space of 1.44MB,but i didnt.coz i really literally meant it.im practically running away, being the coward i always was.its jus dat i ccant take it.i jus need to not think bout all these things for a while.

but now that im here,im starting to realize that i didnt really got away from them.(my probs)not that i didnt ran fast enough or far enough,it's just dat i was not really running.u know,like how can u really run, if u keep looking behind, looking back to check whether anything has been catching up on u.but in reality,u're only looking back coz ur actually hoping dat sumtin IS catching up on u so dat u keep running.u get wat i mean?

but now that ive come this far,(ceh macam betul2 lari nih!)i actually came to a conclusion that it wont work, this running away thing.yeah,i can pretend to be enjoying all the beAutiful calm sandy salty beaches,and the sceneries which i wish so muc i cud snap if only i had a camera,and the streets which i really love,and d food which i wish dat they'll b shops selling them in subang,and the people that really doesnt know how to drive,and watever,but..i dunno.i just dont.i dont actually wana b here.i wanna b there,back home, nad look into all those troubles straight in the eye and say..."how u doin?". coz d further i try to drift my mind away,the closer i get to realising that it's nothing but sweet denial.so yeah,ther goes my nike air running shoes,my soft and sweat-absorbing cotton wristband, and my back-pack full of coward-flavoured redbull bottles that's kept me going, coz im DONE.im done with lying to myself.im done with running away,and i wanna get things done.(am i repeating that word too much?) this tym im making things happen.

i'll b back in subang 2moro evening kot.
so goodbye penang,
and hello misery!