Bullets

take a loaded barrel n shove it down my throat.

pull the fucking trigger.

once for the life,

once for the pain,

and once for the memory.

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lagu sebenarnya,just a part of it.dah habis nanti saya post ye.terlampau seronok berexperiment dgn FL dgn jimbo jimboy...hardstyle core grind techno????!hahaha

25 minutes too late

somebody once told me, i always dwell upon the past, and be upset and curse at something that has happened when its already too late, instead of doing something about it in the present time before any shit happens.

n i regret that i didnt listen.

i didnt regret my decisions. i still think it was the right thing to do.coz i just had to.

but what i regret is the fact that there were so many things that went away just like that all those years.so many promises,so many plans,so mant things,so many places; that went by unfulfilled,unattended and forgotten.n it was all out of my own ignorance and negligence.i was never really a good boyfriend, and i dont think i ever will be, but realizing this really just made me feel worse, the fact just became clearer to me now.and the pain too.

ive always prayed to allah that she'll find somebody worthy religiously financially spiritually (and perhaps physically :S) to mend the damage. and she seems happy now. cool new people,cool new friends,cool activities,cool events,by cool big names. things ive always wished i could give her before,but i didnt have it. i guess thats really out of my league. im glad that she gets a life that she deserves now. not like what she had before,having to use her money for me je everyday coz i had none of my own,and the same old shit everyday,same old places,same old faces,same old activities.no wonder we got lost from each other.damn.no wonder im not worth a good memory.im like the worst memory she ever had kot.padan muka kau habil.haha.

if only i had known before.but then again,im always 25 minutes too late.micheal learns to rock would agree with that.lol.funny.i never learn.

Down the rabbit hole

Listen to the birds,

and dance to their chirps.

Tip toe down the wires, parachute with your shirts.

Look at the sky,

and taste the clouds.

Cotton candy marshmallows, with pink icing shrouds.

Smell the humid mist,

and inhale it's silence.

Tap your fingers on the breeze, send a note to the heavens.

Taste the rusty rain,

and kiss the blushing angel.

A sip after a toast, a gush after a trickle.

Touch the vigorous sprout,

and feel them whisper:

"Follow the lines on my trunk, and just dream forever".

sitting on the roadside as life goes by,and ur just watching it pass...u just might as well shut ur eyes, remember and smile, till the last bus comes and takes u away.

the man in the looking glass once told me:a girl a day keeps the heartbreak away.

when a monster lurks in ur shadow,there's only one thing left to do:KILL THE LIGHTS

A prick from the needle,because you dealt with The Devil.

well i had fun last saturday, after days of 'labor' work, moving out from my condo to a new house back in subang again(yay!!!).so i really needed the break.even the devil needs a break!harhar.and it was good.dayang have been great, tremendous, fabulous, and (d)evilly-gorgeous help from day one!thank you my love! she slept over at my house and on saturday morning we went out for a movie with omar and sarah.we watched 'The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus'.well actually it sounds like 'darn asses'...but nevermind.

so yeah,it was a decent movie.i just love senseless fantasy stories like that where things doesnt really need a reason to happen, and the consequences doesnt really mean anything and most of the things doesnt really make any sense at all.err...that kinda sound like my life,but aaaanyway,i liked it.see, it was not a GREAT movie, i think people are just drawn to the movie like moth to fire is mainly because it starred heath ledger.it was his last movie for god's sake.oh, and not to forget, myself(ehem),jude law, and colin farrel came along to join the crew coz most of the part that involved CGIs are shot after heath ledger passed away, so they played his role, Tony.well tom waits played the devil's character, Mr.Nick, like a champ.with his smirk face and thin mustache,i felt like kicking him straight between the eye.and lily cole played Valentina, the dr parnassus' cute daughter.well,in a few scenes she actually transformed from cute to pure hotness.(she has that kind of weirdly-freaky-somehow-attractive face,like devon aoki)harhar.and she's only 21!so to cut it short,the story is about a man who made a deal...well dealS, actually...with the devil.and at one point,he actually bargained his daughter as a price for one of the bets he made with dear Satan.and then blah blah blah, happy ending.

so what's the moral of the story?simple---do not deal with the devil!

as far as it goes, one might think, hey i never dealt with the devil.i never met him.who does for god's sake?so what?we're safe?the story and it's values doesnt apply to our daily lives?this is the real world and the devil doesnt just show up one day at TESCO in the 'sports' area looking for shuttlecocks and gives you his private-line phone number?well my friends, i just realised something that day.if u really think carefully, actually we do make deals with the devil almost every day in our lifes.well...most us.well,i admit that i do.sometimes a few times a day. )))-:

if youve seen the movie,you can see how the devil makes every deal looks so easy and he's always so convincing. you'd just see the glittering prize at the end of the road, never thinking bout what you'll get along the way.and what you would actually get.you see, there's ALWAYS a catch to a deal.especially with the devil!and we're gonna have to pay for it. D-:

well,you dont actually meet the devil in person, but it does happen in a way.

think about it!---how many times in your life that that you actually thought, hey i'll just do this once.one time only.just for the sake of trying.then again.and again.and again.and then perhaps hey i'll just do this one LAST time,there's always tomorrow for redemption..im still young,i'll stop when im 60.but tomorrows just comes again and again.or, hey the world's gonna end in 2012 so we still have a long way to go till we settle down and come clean.

so u see,this is what i mean by 'dealing with the devil'.we actually gamble with our fate.i mean, what happens when theres actually no tomorrow?and i dont just mean about 'dosa' and 'pahala',good and bad,or sins and deeds here.it's not just about religious or spiritual afterlife shit im talking about here,its also about all the things we do in life,our connections,our relations,to people,to animals,everything.

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"i'll feed my pet and play with her later,cats can live for days without food."

"to hell with her,i hate her.i wont apologise, ever.in 10 years we'll forget about it and be ok."

"grandma's fine,she just had a minor accident.there's nothing serious,i'll visit her tomorrow."

but the cat didnt live for even a second more once it got ran over by a car minutes after that.

she didnt even last 10 months since the day you broke up,and she still remembered everything.

and you did came back tomorrow,only for her funeral.

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you know,if you find any of the statements above to be familiar,just think about it.what if there is no tomorrow?maybe not for your pet,your best friend,your ex,your girlfriend,your mom,your dad.everybody.including yourself.ESPECIALLY yourself.and that's when you actually lose to the devil.

"god,make me a better person this year onwards.amin"